He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wish i was in the wii world.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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