I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
