And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
