you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I FOUND THE LEGS
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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