hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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