were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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