hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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