in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
