smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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