DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
