I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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