I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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