some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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