you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
