so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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