I wish my penis had an off switch
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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