can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i permit you to call me
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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