I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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