i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
