New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
