Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
