remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
