I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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