can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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