u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize