You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
