i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
