No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
