Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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