perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
