I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
