What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
