She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
