1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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