New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
