Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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