strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
