i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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