If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
