Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
