Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
