i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
