so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
