I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Sext me about skeletons
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
