If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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