New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
