i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
