Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
