WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize