Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
