i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
