to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
