I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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