I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
