So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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