I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
