Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
