I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
