Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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