fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
