who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I cut my penus on the lid.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
