I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
