I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
where does the pee come out of this thing
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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