I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
