i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
