the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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