What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
