I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize