shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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